Wanted: A Baby Mama - Amy Poehler's Need Not Apply

Hi! 

Hello Everyone!

I have a story I would like to share. Words have never really been my strong suit so I hope to convey my feelings in a way that you really and truly understand how I have been feeling.

For the past 6 months, I have been in a constant battle regarding my future children. Between the struggle with the insurance company to give me an IUD, between tests and research into adoption and coming to terms with never having my own child. Is adoption the right answer? Will kids even be part of my life on this earth? 

Only Heavenly Father knows... and I feel as if He has shed a lot of light on what is to come. 

It all started on Tuesday July 2. I went to Lagoon with two of my favorite cousins and people on this earth! Cheyenne and Rhiannon. It was fun, wild, exhausting and more fun! By the end of the day, my feet hurt soooo bad! I could barely walk. Literally. I was dying. 

I had WAY too much fun with them! :) I miss them so much!

For the next week and a half, my feet and ankles were very swollen. At one point, there were even veins popping out of my foot! I hobbled about in my slippers like an old granny for days. I even wore slippers to work a couple times... They were the only shoes that would fit! 

I did everything! I soaked them, put them up and got foot massages.

My mom spoke with my doctor, who is in my parents ward, and asked if this was something to worry about. He said "I need to see her soon." And called in two prescriptions to the pharmacy for me to pick up. I was worried! What could possibly be wrong? I just walked too much and I am probably dehydrated.

Cirrhosis causes abnormal accumulation of fluid in the circulatory system or within the tissues or cavities of the body. Which is why Dr Dickinson put me on a diuretic. He also prescribed me a Potassium pill because diuretics significantly decrease potassium in your body. 

I picked them up on Friday July 13 and by Monday, my feet were not swollen or hurting anymore. It was wonderful! But I still had my appointment. 

Dr D ordered blood work the day before my appointment. I hate hate hate hate needles and I refuse to go alone. Yes, I know I'm a baby. My mom was supposed to come but ended up staying home busy with some things. I have never felt so betrayed. 

I had never felt so betrayed in my life... Thanks mom. 

Oh well, The nurse was nice.

The time for my appointment had come. I was late. Both my mom and Kevin came. I am so grateful that I never have to go alone! I am so blessed and cared for by my loved ones. 

We started off by talking about our insurance. We have still not been approved by the insurance for my IUD, which is a huge deal! Dr Box said, absolutely no kids, ever. So it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen. My mom had brought something up to me a couple weeks ago, very lightly I might add. She asked me if it was even worth fighting with them anymore and if just getting my tubes tied was the answer. I thought about it a little, but brought it up to get Dr Dickinson's opinion. His opinion means more to me than just a doctors. He's a neighbor, a friend, a father figure in my life. He's an amazing man and I trust him with my life. I asked him what he thought and he was quiet for a second, thinking. 

He then continued on to say that he had just had a thought. He then proceeded to tell me that, yes, getting my tubes tied was a good idea. He asked if I had ever thought about surrogacy. I told him I had thought about it a little bit but not a whole lot. He said his thought was to harvest my eggs and use a surrogate mother.

Life. Changing. Moment. 

Right then and there I knew (and I figured out after the fact, Kevin felt the same way) this was the right choice.

Now here is why: On Sunday, just a couple days before my appointment, I was nervous. I wasn't feeling well and I had a lot on my mind. I felt very uneasy and a little scared for my appointment. I asked Kevin to give me a priesthood blessing. 

During my blessing, I felt the spirit. I felt the comfort of my Heavenly Father and I felt his love. As Kevin spoke, I felt everything was going to be okay. There were a few words that stuck with me as he was giving me that blessing. "The doctor will be inspired and open to new ideas" 

I am almost positive that Dr Dickinson has never told a woman to get her tubes tied, eggs frozen and a surrogate mother. He was inspired to talk to me about that. He was inspired and prompted to help me understand what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. 

Surrogacy was the last thing I would have chosen... But as of right now, it feels right. It is so scary to me! I have so many questions!

How does it work? Should I ask a friend or family member to be the surrogate, or do I get a complete stranger to carry my child? What is she gets too attached and there are legal complications? What if my eggs are successful? Do I get a say in what she eats, how she exercises and where she delivers? How much does it cost? How long can my eggs be frozen? Does getting your tubes tied hurt? What if I end up with a woman like Amy Poehler from Baby Mama?? 

I know in time, I will get to know the process and know what is right for us. I just know that this is the way we are headed. We are still very open to adoption and are looking forward to exploring both opportunities. 

We are meeting with Dr Jacob, my OBGYN to speak to him more. That appointment is on August 12 and then a fertility specialist up in Salt Lake City named Dr Peterson. I cannot wait to start this journey towards children! We do want to wait a while, save some money and get Kevin out of school. But we need to be prepared for when that day comes. I am already so in love with my future babies. I can't even wait! 

By the way the Dash For Donation is coming up! August 3! I have a Facebook group for it. If you would like to know more please visit here: Dash For Donation: Natalie's Team 

It would mean so much to me if you were there! Please consider walking the 2k or giving a donation. The donations do not go to me, but they will go to someone in need! 

I feel your love and support and want to thank you for that! I know there are prayers on my behalf and they help more than you know! 

Miracles happen everyday. Pay attention. You will see the Lord's tender mercies and love all around you. 

I can't wait to see what the future holds :)

Love you all!

..:::Natalie:::..